Senior Night

It was the first time, in a very long time, that we walked along together happy.

About seven years ago, my ex-wife and I decided to call it quits, separated, and then divorced. Amicable, I guess. It had to be. We weren't happy. It showed.

But we weren't happy. We, my ex, our child and I, were happy. He was the only thing that kept the family intact. And it pained me so much when that glue lost it's adhesiveness. 

We began to work on shared time. We hungered to do as much as we could with our child.

She remarried and is happy. In a way, the new guy was the adhesive she long for to continue that experience she shared with her child. I don't blame her. 

My route took a different turn. I dated. And dated. And dated some more. I have fell head over heals a few times. I had my heart broken. I broke many hearts too. I lived my life.

At times I feel guilt. I could have saved all that money and wasted time and spent it with my kid. I could have been there. Why did I have such a grudge? Why did I feel jealousy towards my ex and her new life? 

It's envy. It's guilt. It's a desire to rewind history and live it right, if it were ever possible.

But this life. We learn from it. We forget and move to the next. 

And I think that's where I am at at this point in life. 

My kid is graduating this May. She has had a rough time -- growing pains -- with adolescence. Sophomore year she got into drugs. She experimented with a whole lot of them. She failed most of her classes. Then COVID hit. She fell further behind. 

Last January, she came out as being a transgender girl. This was a surprise to both her mom and I but we have grown to accept it and support her. 

She went through an awakening. She stopped doing drugs. And as THC has gradually been released from her body, she is more focused and willing to accomplish her school work. 

As we walked together before a crowd onto the football field, I felt our smiles bigger than ever. We were happy. 

At that moment, I felt at peace. We raised our kid together through the great times, the tough ones, the heartache, and happy ones. We've come along way as a family, but we did it for one person and that's for our kid.