"Hallowed be thy Condom" by Asa Barber

Literature Appreciation

These past few months, I've been going through old PLAYBOY magazines. 

I came across an article that I remember reading back when I was a college freshman. "Hallowed be thy Condom," read the headline. The article was by Asa Barber, American author and columnist for PLAYBOY.

Although, I wasn't sexually active, when I was young, the fear was ever so present of the possibility of catching AIDS. AIDS was a fairly new and unknown thing. So, I share Asa's fears in his article: 

"But at the top of my list of manly trepidations are two items that can move my lecherous little heart into genuine arrhythmia. First, I never want to get a woman pregnant unless we both agree to it. Second, I do not want to die of AIDS. (It's common knowledge that AIDS is also a problem in the heterosexual community.) Those are probably my two biggest fears, and I have had frightening and enlightening experiences with both of them."

Reading this as a middle aged man, the article still somewhat resonates. After my divorce, I started dating. Sex was plenty and I was doing quite well for myself. But the first few years, my fear was AIDS and getting a girl pregnant. 

Like Asa, I had first hand experience sitting at my physician's office waiting to be tested for AIDS and other STDs after whoring myself, sleeping around with multiple unknown partners. And like Asa, I cried when results came back negative.

"When I was told I was HIV-negative, I felt like crying. I have dodged lots of bullets, but this was one of the biggest."

At the age of 40, I got in a relationship with a girl I was very much in love with at the time. It turned out she was mentally ill, and I knew a child with her would be the wrong thing for both of us. Yet, we had several close calls.

Like Asa, an unwanted pregnancy, which almost became a reality was a "major-league fear."  

I thought it through and made the decision to go in for a vasectomy. It was a decision I made on my own. Naturally, my girlfriend was upset. But I explained that I didn't want a child and wanted to focus on "us," leaving out that I felt she would be mentally unfit. Needless to say, the relationship didn't work out. 

Although impregnating someone was now impossible, I still had that fear of catching not only AIDS but other sexually transmitted diseases. Ironically, my current girlfriend, who I hope to be engaged with, had a hysterectomy, and has HSV. Go figure. 

But I will finish with sharing conclusion about the wonderful invention of the latex condom: 

"When you think about it, the latex condom is a marvelous invention. But most of us often fail to use it. We assume the interruption is not worth it. But I have learned, in two terrifying incidents, that the few seconds it takes to fit Mr. Happy with good protection can make all the difference in the world between responsibility and foolishness. So let this be your first commandment for the rest of your sexual life, amigos: Hallowed be thy condom."

Source: 

Wikipedia

Barber, Asa. "Hallowed be thy Condom" PLAYBOY, vol. 41, no. 11, November 1994, p. 36.